I will not forget the events of the last few days. Its difficult to say which day was the one with the biggest impact, but if I had to pick one it would be February 26. It is actually difficult for me to put into words the range of emotions that I have experienced. I will say, that despite the pain, sadness, and tears that well beneath the surface, deep down inside I know that things will be better for everyone involved, and if anything, this is the beginning of another chapter waiting to be written. I do feel that I have neglected the site, but sometimes life takes precedence over virtual life.
The biggest change in my life is that for the first time in over 5 years, I will be living alone. I am scared and excited all at the same time. I’m glad I have had the experience of doing it before, so I know what I am in for on those long nights. Certain people’s actions have also changed my opinion of them and in some cases made me realize my true feelings. Part of my 2003 To-Do list is to make sure that I am more open and honest about my feelings, so once feelings are realized, I have this new habit of telling people. I think I just need to work on my timing.
So in short, I will be moving out of my apartment of almost 3 years sometime in the next week or so, I just need to find a new place. I am looking in Orange County so I will cut my park commute time.
If February 26 was the day of shock and realization, February 27, was a day of mourning. You know you are on an emotional roller coaster when hearing “Deep in the Hundred Acre Wood” sap version in the queue music for the umpteenth time starts to make your eyes well up with tears. I remember listening to the radio in the car on the way in and hearing the about the death of Fred Rogers. Mr. Rogers was one of the few people who always told me that I am special and that there is only one me. I always wanted one of those cool trolleys around my house to go off to the Neighborhood of Make Believe. The PBS site has a good page of helpful information on how to tell children and explain his death. It certainly helped me to read it.
Thanks to all who have expressed their support and have helped out during this week, it means a lot, especially you mom.